What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
