either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just threw up on my dentist
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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