On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
