i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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