So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
