She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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