I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
