we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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