i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
