Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
