I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
