that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
