but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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