I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
im about as happy as oj after his trial
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
