i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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