just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
