Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
