I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
