Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
