I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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