What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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