Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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