Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
