And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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