I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
