bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
