Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
