strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
