So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
