Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
