i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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