i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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