I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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