and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
everyone is single if you try hard enough
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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