Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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