This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
