He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
