When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
