They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
