I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
