Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
