I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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