she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You were trust falling into bushes
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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