how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
