he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
