i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she pinky promised me she was 18
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
