Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
All the doctor said was why
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
