I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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