so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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