I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
