There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
