What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
